|
| Everything's settled. Hope all will go back to normal.
I'll made my decision soon.
I will.
And my promise.
To myself and those who stood by me. | | |
| woke up today ******.
but i didn't know why.
was pretty happy yesterday.
met up with loves (:
was so long since i met them.
told them about what happened as we updated each other onour lives.
and yeap.seeing them was so happy that i ate. not much.but at least i ate.
but well. i've got to work so i've got to say bb to them.
headed to town to get materials for card making.
dear eileen came down to find me.
was pretty upset over something she said. but it's just a phasing phase i promise.
i hate to see people disapointed.
work was busy as usual.
and i really loved working there.
they realized something is wrong with me without me saying anything at all.
all the care and concern showered upon me.
i'm touched. serious.
i felt that we aren't only colleagues.
we are all friends.
although somethings they said make me upset.
i know they say because they cared.
stayed to eat supper with gloria, my manager.
chatted alot with her. both of us need cheering up.haha.and we cheered up each other (:
been super long since i ate so much food.
but it good.
was full.so we decided to go walk walk around first.
then i sugguested going for movies.
and instead of the two of us.all joined in the end.
went to watch wall e.
and i thought of the someone whom i wanted to watch it with.
*sour laughs*
but well. he wld nv think of me.
went home after that. memories surged through me as i waited for my NR.lol.
showered, cleaned up. rested.
think about alot of things too.
i'm suddenly finding it hard to give him time.
when can you give me the ans ?
i want to ask him.but i can't.
he would be working with me next week.
i shld be able to face him as a friend.
right?
wtf.i dunno.i hope so.
marcus yeo. when can you give me a reply?
my heart is aching whenever i know you are at work
when i walked past places with memories.
i wanted to forget you like i said.
but i'm finding it a struggle.
how.
i'm scared of your choice.
but freak me.
i'm suppose to forget you.
it's time to move on. | | |
| my heart's bleeding. deep down.
i don't know what i've been doing for the past week.
once contented and joyful.now tattered and torn.
72 hrs of non sleep. + 48 hrs of no appetite + 987654321 hrs of emotions fucking my brain. = lousy me.
alot of things took place for the past few days.
don't ask me why.
my wound is still too raw to tell.
but i'm super confused and my brain just seemed to malfunctioned.
my suspicions were correct.
you did it again.
do you know how how how hurtful it is when u said you were unsure of everything ?
for the past...almost 5 months. where do i stand ? do you even know ?
first time, second time, third time. when would you stop?
you realized its a problem with you and you need time to find out what's exactly wrong with you.
time flies. time don't wait for people.
i've pretty much calmed down now.
maybe i'm really stupid.
i did gave you chances to tell me that you lied to me.
i gave myself reasons to forgive you.
i even come up with excuses when it's killing me inside.
i know what i'm seeing. or at least. my heart knows.
each min each second that night that passed. it's miserable.
because i knew you saw my messages but you didn't know how to reply.
and you didn't even make effort to come and talk to me immediately.
when i pinned for you.
when you finally replied.
something within me snapped.
i knew it happened all along.but my heart chose to ignore the fact.
you made promises. but you can't deliver.why.
you held me back when i was ready to go.
you made me think that you were the one for me despite all things i've heard.
i chose to go with my heart, my feelings. and they were betrayed.
people do change. yes i know. and maybe i will too ?
okay. now you told me to give you time and space.
yess. i have allowance for that.
but how long will you need you can't even tell me.
life doesn't stop just because you got caught somewhere. it goes on.
i thought about alot of things seriously when i was out alone ytd night.
i knew that even though it hurts, there are somethings that i just had to give up.
maybe the other familiar stranger is really better in all ways.
character ? how much is it worth ?
i think i had an answer in my heart. but yet at the same time, i wanted to believe that you would choose the other option.
i'm really dumb aren't i.
had me ear piercing and tattoo ytd though (: the happy parts. thanks girls for accompanying me. and to dearest koala bears. thanks. and i mean it. i know you guys are worried about me because you've not seen me like this before. but i'll live. i'll be strong. i won't fall. people are watching me.
i'll prove to them.
met him today.
felt strangely peaceful although the aftermath of all the emotions still hunt me.
despite everything.
he missed me.
and i do too. somehow.
cried.i just can't control my tears. i've held them back for long enough because i don't want my friends to worry about me. but i cried.
this would be the last time i would be seeing him for the time being until he can gives me an answer.
i'm tired. i want to get on with my life. yet some part of me is missing. i'm hurt. even though i said i'm not. each question that i ask, each form of comfort that i gave ripped me bit by bit.
i said. i'll have to start forgetting you.
and i can't promise you that i'll still be at the same spot waiting when you found the answer within yourself.
yes.it'll be lonely for both you and me. maybe we were too used to each other.
i left.
and you got me back.
i know it hurts. and it bleeds me too to see you in pain.
when i said i made the decision for you.
i knew you would probably feel better as you don't have to answer to me.
but i feel rotton.lousy. fucking sad. even though i have to carry all these as though i was ready to give up and smile at you. yea. maybe someone is right. my forte is to pretend that nothing's happen isn't it.
i promised that i'll stay till you sleep. but i can't promise that i'll still be there when you wake up. too much has changed. way too much.
and at the same time you could still waver for the stranger.
5 months. and 1 week.
this shows where i stand don't i ?
you asked me what happen if you decided already but i'm no longer there.
if i'm no longer there.
it simply meant that i've hurt so much that i've left the game to lick my wounds.
i don'twant to play already.
maybe i just don't have what it takes to lose.
i'm still lost within my thoughts now.
but i'll get on with my life.
and to you.
thank you.i love you.
but it's time to go. hope that you'll be able to catch up with me before i'm gone.
你問我 我好不好．我笑著回答說我沒事，我很好。因為你不需要知道．我在轉身時滴下的眼淚。
淚，是咸的。
| | |
| my heart's bleeding. deep down.
i don't know what i've been doing for the past week.
once contented and joyful.now tattered and torn.
72 hrs of non sleep. + 48 hrs of no appetite + 987654321 hrs of emotions fucking my brain. = lousy me.
alot of things took place for the past few days.
don't ask me why.
my wound is still too raw to tell.
but i'm super confused and my brain just seemed to malfunctioned.
my suspicions were correct.
you did it again.
do you know how how how hurtful it is when u said you were unsure of everything ?
for the past...almost 5 months. where do i stand ? do you even know ?
first time, second time, third time. when would you stop?
you realized its a problem with you and you need time to find out what's exactly wrong with you.
time flies. time don't wait for people.
i've pretty much calmed down now.
maybe i'm really stupid.
i did gave you chances to tell me that you lied to me.
i gave myself reasons to forgive you.
i even come up with excuses when it's killing me inside.
i know what i'm seeing. or at least. my heart knows.
each min each second that night that passed. it's miserable.
because i knew you saw my messages but you didn't know how to reply.
and you didn't even make effort to come and talk to me immediately.
when i pinned for you.
when you finally replied.
something within me snapped.
i knew it happened all along.but my heart chose to ignore the fact.
you made promises. but you can't deliver.why.
you held me back when i was ready to go.
you made me think that you were the one for me despite all things i've heard.
i chose to go with my heart, my feelings. and they were betrayed.
people do change. yes i know. and maybe i will too ?
okay. now you told me to give you time and space.
yess. i have allowance for that.
but how long will you need you can't even tell me.
life doesn't stop just because you got caught somewhere. it goes on.
i thought about alot of things seriously when i was out alone ytd night.
i knew that even though it hurts, there are somethings that i just had to give up.
maybe the other familiar stranger is really better in all ways.
character ? how much is it worth ?
i think i had an answer in my heart. but yet at the same time, i wanted to believe that you would choose the other option.
i'm really dumb aren't i.
had me ear piercing and tattoo ytd though (: the happy parts. thanks girls for accompanying me. and to dearest koala bears. thanks. and i mean it. i know you guys are worried about me because you've not seen me like this before. but i'll live. i'll be strong. i won't fall. people are watching me.
i'll prove to them.
met him today.
felt strangely peaceful although the aftermath of all the emotions still hunt me.
despite everything.
he missed me.
and i do too. somehow.
cried.i just can't control my tears. i've held them back for long enough because i don't want my friends to worry about me. but i cried.
this would be the last time i would be seeing him for the time being until he can gives me an answer.
i'm tired. i want to get on with my life. yet some part of me is missing. i'm hurt. even though i said i'm not. each question that i ask, each form of comfort that i gave ripped me bit by bit.
i said. i'll have to start forgetting you.
and i can't promise you that i'll still be at the same spot waiting when you found the answer within yourself.
yes.it'll be lonely for both you and me. maybe we were too used to each other.
i left.
and you got me back.
i know it hurts. and it bleeds me too to see you in pain.
when i said i made the decision for you.
i knew you would probably feel better as you don't have to answer to me.
but i feel rotton.lousy. fucking sad. even though i have to carry all these as though i was ready to give up and smile at you. yea. maybe someone is right. my forte is to pretend that nothing's happen isn't it.
i promised that i'll stay till you sleep. but i can't promise that i'll still be there when you wake up. too much has changed. way too much.
and at the same time you could still waver for the stranger.
5 months. and 1 week.
this shows where i stand don't i ?
you asked me what happen if you decided already but i'm no longer there.
if i'm no longer there.
it simply meant that i've hurt so much that i've left the game to lick my wounds.
i don'twant to play already.
maybe i just don't have what it takes to lose.
i'm still lost within my thoughts now.
but i'll get on with my life.
and to you.
thank you.i love you.
but it's time to go. hope that you'll be able to catch up with me before i'm gone.
你問我 我好不好．我笑著回答說我沒事，我很好。因為你不需要知道．我在轉身時滴下的眼淚。
淚，是咸的。
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